?

Log in

费琳芮⇔アリス
15 June 2037 @ 08:43 am


Well...semi-friends only.
All fan-works will be made public, but all personal entry will be private.
Please don't be afraid to friend me, I love to meet and talk with new people!
But please comment on this post before you friend me.
Strangers scare me. D:>
Thank you~

☆INTRO POST NOW UP!☆
=D

Go forth to the INTRO!Collapse )

In Hell

the English are chefs.
 
 
Current Mood: dorkydorky
Current Music: Black Diamond feat. Namie Amuro - DOUBLE
 
 
费琳芮⇔アリス
09 October 2016 @ 11:05 pm
why
 
 
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
 
 
费琳芮⇔アリス
05 October 2016 @ 10:45 pm
i know i'm not always everyone's cup of tea. believe me, i'd lived with myself for 24 years. i know. but never have i experienced the overt dislike i experienced today.

in the end it's not like i care that much because i'm not here to be liked by everybody but it still hurts and it's still shocking and it still makes it harder for me to go into work when it's something i have to do.

i'm just really upset about everything and just-

i'm a fucking adult. why am i experiencing this now?????

I feel like i'm in middle school and this kind of shit didn't even happen to me in middle school.
 
 
费琳芮⇔アリス
14 September 2016 @ 11:38 pm
I am so depressed. And upset. And angry. And frustrated. And everything under the sun that mean something bad basically.

This is by far one of the worse weeks of my life.

I started and new job and while I don't hate the job itself. I hate my coworkers. Absolutely, unadultered hate. I tried so hard to be sweet and nice and positive and seem approuchable but I'm lucky if they even acknowledge me tbh. Even when I'm talking 1-on-1 with someone and being really considerate and asking tons of questions about them and their lives, I'm lucky if they ask one question about me. I don't even think they know where I'm from because no one's bothered to ask. They always talk as if I'm not there and never try to include me in anything. One time this week, I even happened to be walking out of work with 4 of my coworkers and they all blatantly made plans to go eat together and didn't feel the need to invite me even though I was, ya know, standing right beside them. And honestly, I continued walking home by myself and crying the whole way. I was so upset, and am still so upset. I feels like I'm back being the new girl in middle school and it's just such a horrible feeling.

One of my coworkers also got me horribly sick. Luckily we have a vacation now, but unfortunately if you don't live in Korea then you may not know, getting medicine here is not as simple as it is in the US, and it being the holidays now makes it so much worse. There are no pharmacies near where I live that would even consider being open right now. And my entire face and throat are aching and I can't sleep more then 3 hours without jolting awake because I feel like I'm suffocating.

And to make everything infinitely worse, my cat got out. My cat opened the screen door on my balcony, with no where to go but a 4 story drop down. I feel absolutely devistated. He has bad back legs so my worst fear is that he fell, landed in someway that caused him to die (because he can't land on his feet) and some street cleaner saw him lying dead and threw him away somewhere and I'll never know that he died. I even went in late for work because I was crying so much the morning it happened. Luckily 2 of my supervisors were sympathetic but my immediate coordinator acted like there was something was wrong with me for being upset. I just want to know what happened, ya know? Like if I knew for sure that he was dead I could feel a sense of closure, but I have no idea. I keep jumping at every sound I hear and walking aimlessly around the neighborhood searching for something I'm not even sure is there.    

I don't know what to do. I don't know what I can do
 
 
费琳芮⇔アリス
01 August 2016 @ 02:04 pm
lol i'm posting this here cause I don't want to get involved in all the tumblr drama but OMFG ALL THE DIRTY LAUNDRY DISCOURSE IS JUST MINDBLOWING TO ME.

it's so so fucking weird and horrible and just i can't believe that tumblr has gone so for to create discourse for a fucking fanfic THAT DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I JUST-

WHAT?

WHY??

for selfish reasons I really hope the author finishes the fanfic but in a completely other realm I really hope the author just doesn't lose her will to write over all the drama. I would hate for a young, talented writer to give up on something because of negative outside influence.

it's just so fucked honestly
 
 
 
费琳芮⇔アリス
02 January 2016 @ 04:51 pm
In October of this year I decided to get a cat here in Korea. I know a lot of people advise against this since it tends to be hard to travel with pets, but I was determined that I would try.

I got an extremely adorable cat named Grim. He's honestly so adorable...but so stupid.

In the first few weeks I had I honestly even entertained thoughts of leaving him outside because he was such a troublemaker still is. He's always running around, always screaming, and always looking for something to destroy and it was just so stressful for me.

He's gotten a little better now but is still an annoying little ass, but I just forgive him because he's so young.

Today I realized that I do in fact care for him more than I thought.

I ordered delviery since I wasn't feeling too up to cooking and when I went to open the door, Grim ran out. I wasn't too fazed by it, since he's done it before and never goes more then a few steps and even if he did go further, I live in a locked apartment so there's no where for him to go.

While I paid for the delivery, Grim had walked up to the 4th floor so I went to go follow him. He started to walk back down when he saw me, but instead of just walking all the way down the stairs, he decided to jump from a few steps up across the middle part of the stairwell.

Everything just happened in slow motion as he slipped and caught onto the 3rd floor level with his back legs hanging down into obilvion. He managed to hang on for a few seconds as I panicked as an towards him, but just as I got close, he lost his grip and fell backwards down the stairwell.

I watched him crash into the hand rail on the 2nd floor and then onto the 2nd flight of stairs.

I thought he was going to break something or worse.

I ran down the stairs and found him scared out of his mind of the 2nd floor and quickly grabbed him and ran back upstairs.

When I brought him back into my apartment I quicked checked him out for any injuries but it seemed by some miracle he was completely fine. But I was still in so muck shock I just started crying. I was so worried and scared and just-

I can't believe that happened.

He's a little shaken but was back to begging for treats as normal quick enough.

But just wow, I'm so thankful he's okay.
 
 
费琳芮⇔アリス
02 January 2016 @ 11:23 am
2 0 1 6 Scrapbook
so maybe i can be at least a little satisfied with myself

Read more...Collapse )

 
 
费琳芮⇔アリス
08 September 2015 @ 06:44 pm

nts:

If you, by the end of the year, master a good portion of Korean, thoroughly enjoy Korean lifestyle, and still need some form of employment to sustain your life. Find a new place to work (same company is fine even, just a different location).

Before I was even hired my manager pissed me off, and now that I have to work in the same vacinity as him, it's even worse.

About half the shit is says IS offensive and the other shit he says just SOUNDS offensive to me b/c it's coming out of his mouth. How does that even work?

idek I just know I need to work somewhere different or he needs to figure out he's worthless and pack his bags already

 
 
Current Mood: discontentdiscontent
 
 
费琳芮⇔アリス
21 August 2015 @ 02:48 pm
all my posts on here are me complaing about my job...i'll never be happy
 
 
费琳芮⇔アリス
21 August 2015 @ 02:46 pm
i'm returning to livejournal to make a personal post on an issue that has been nagging my brain.

i'm so happy to be here in south korea, but i am very unhappy to be teaching. i honestly enjoy teaching and love the immediate positive feedback i can or have received from students but when i start to think about my job critically i become very disheartened.

i feel like i'm contributing to a giant machine, one that serves an evil purpose. i feel like i'm perpetuating english imperialism by teaching and that i shouldn't even be here. i also feel like every one around me secretly hates me, and maybe some do. That some people just look at me and think 'why is she here?', 'she's not a real teacher,' 'she should just go back to her own country,'. it's all just really breaking me down mentally.

i really want to be here because i really do want to learn the language but i just feel so so conflicted and all i can think about is can i get a different job, should i just get out of here, what am i even doing?????

i know i'll eventually push it to the back of my mind, but it just doesn't seem to ever go away.
 
 
Current Mood: depresseddepressed